A Dozen Roses
by Inuyasharocks01862
Summary: FireFang visits her friend Amy's grave one fall day unaware that she'd have an unforgettable experiance once she got there


Disclamer: I only own FireFang, plus Amy was a real girl and not a metaphor for myself. Amy sadly committed suicide on August 14, 2015, this year marks 4 years since she has died.

The autumn breeze whipped against FireFang as she trudged on. The orange leaves blew by her, framing the scene. She felt the already-fallen leaves crunch under her feet as she took in another painful breath. The air was crisp and distinct; she knew this time of year all too well. The atmosphere was bittersweet. She had grown accustomed to the chilly air, the golden colors surrounding her. They weren't pleasant colors. Oh, no. To some people they might have been, but not to FireFang.

She trudged forward, past the old, rickety gate. It squeaked in response, but it went unheard. She had been here so many times. Everything was always the same when she came. Sometimes she wished that it would change. Give her some closure, maybe. Show her that life moved on even after tragic happenings come along and slap you in the face. It had been exactly four years today since the event and she still hadn't completely moved on. How could she?

She finally made it to her destination. Clutching the parcel in her shivering, hands she placed it down on the ground. The gray gravestone bore into FireFang; when her bright eyes met the dull coloring of it she felt her stomach drop. It shouldn't have been gray. She was such a bright person... it deserved to be pink. A bright, neon, cheerful pink. But, then again, looking at anything that was shaded pink hurt too much. She wasn't sure if she would be able to deal with it.

 _Hey Lucy, I remember your name.  
I left a dozen roses on your grave today.  
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away.  
I just came to talk for a while.  
I got some things I need to say._

FireFang, with stiff hands pushed away the stray tree droppings. The crinkly discolored leaves blew away in the brisk fall breeze and her arching eyes fell back on the grave. Her name; Amy was engraved on the stone, staring her in the face. Teasing her. All she had left of her was a name, a thousand memories that killed her to think about and a few drawings she had done for her. She remembered so much about her; her eye color was a bright, lively chocolate brown. It was distinct. She had never met anyone else with an eye color so radiant. A Hatalia shirt that she herself owned. Singing songs in both English and Japanese, and helping her with her drawings and school projects more often then she should.

She felt her eyes sting as tears threatened to fall. Nobody guessed that she would do what she did. And she was so young, too... it wasn't fair, especially since it was her. Especially since she was her other half the one who made them Amy squared.(A.N. for those who know me irl know my name is Amy and it was a running joke with our math teacher that we were Amy squared cause we were always together in math class)

The sun burned FireFang's eyes. How dare it be so bright and lively on an occasion like this? How dare it still shine even though she was gone? It wasn't right. She fell to her knees, the fading grass brushing her knees. Her fingers surrounded a pile of leaves that she had pushed aside and she grasped them tightly and threw them away. Her quickly-dulling eyes fell back on the grave as she spoke up. "Hey, Ames. I came, just like I said I would."

She received silence as her reply. Another gust of wind brushed by her and kicked up leaves that rested on the dull ground. She continued. "I wanted to wish ya a happy birthday. Your finally twenty. Your families probably already been here." She felt his body stiffened considerably. She never reached her twentieth birthday. April 21st was now a bitter day for him. It was for everyone, but FireFang knew that she took Amy's loss the hardest.

 _Now that it's over,  
I just wanna hold her.  
I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of heaven looking  
back at me._

"I miss you." She said tears falling from her eyes. When she had been alive she had planed to some day go to Anime Boston with Amy, but when she got the chance it was to late, but she went anyway for Amy's sake.

She took in a deep breath. She never thought it would be possible to miss anybody- or thing, for that matter- this much. It was criminal. It was painful. It made her feel like crap Amy was a cheerful girl with big dreams and a passionate drive to achieve them. She was a cheerful girl with a heart too big for her body. Too big for anybody's body. She had never seen anybody so loving in her life, and she knew that she never would again.

She remembered the days when they were both freshmen in high school, when they had both first met. She had worn her hair in a style very alike hers and wore a tshirt and jean shorts, as well as sneakers.

They had met when they were both 18, at an event before they started High school. When FireFang switched schools things went down hill for Amy. FireFang wanted to slap her younger self in the face. If she could only go back and redo it...

 _Now that it's over,  
I just wanna hold her.  
I've gotta live with the choices I made,  
and I can't live with myself today._

FireFang felt her throat burn and her eyes singed with salty tears.

She had never been one to cry. No, she hadn't cried since Michelle had died. She shed tears when she had to say good bye to Michelle, but that was because the girl had saved her life.

She felt herself shiver.

"I'm sorry." She blurted.

 _Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday.  
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name._

"Leanne really misses ya." She informed absolutely no one, but in her heart she was talking to her. In her heart she was sitting in front of him, her big brown eyes twinkling at her as she spoke, her hands cupped over her own.

To be frank, one of the only reason that she had made an effort to stop cutting was that she knew that she'd never be happy with her if she continued to cut or had just gave up and became a lifeless shell of her former self. She knew that she'd want her to keep living, for her- for both of them.

 _I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance.  
But all I got are these roses to give,  
And they can't help me make amends. _

"If I could do it over, you know I wold." She informed her. She held her imaginary hand and looked into her eyes that didn't exist. "And I'd stay awake with you every night and you would never feel the need to take your life." she added bitterly.

She tilted her transparent head and smiled at him that smile that she liked so much- that smile that made her want to hold her in her arms and never, ever let go. Amy laced her nonexistent fingers along FireFang's real ones and closed her eyes gracefully in happiness. She knew that she was crying; she could feel the hot tears streaming down her face.

She looked down to the roses in front of Amy's gave. "Thank you," she said, and she was amazed that she could still remember her voice so well. How could anyone not like this girl that should have been sitting in front of her?

 _Here we are.  
Now you're in my arms.  
I never wanted anything so bad._

Amy reached around her, her see-through arms lacing around her body and she pulled her close to her. FireFang was still crying. She could tell. Being with this illusion of her wasn't helping anything. It was reverting back to her old stage of denial. She was really dead, FireFang told herself. Amy was gone and there was no way that she could ever come back.

"Don't ever forget me." Amy whispered into her ear. It tingled at the thought of her whispering to her such a sentence. How could she ever forget her? Was she insane? There was nothing that she would want more then to have her come back to life. "I Promise."

 _Here we are.  
For a brand new start.  
Living the life that we could've had._

Why was she so stupid?  
Why did she have to leave, why didn't she ever visit Amy, she knew she could've at any time if she wanted to. _But I didn't._ the thought struck her like a slap to the face.

 _Me and Lucy walking hand in hand.  
Me and Lucy never wanna end.  
Just another moment in your eyes.  
I'll see you in another life.  
In heaven where we never say goodbye._

And then she was fading. FireFang felt her head smash into her hands at the searing realization. It was harder the second time, she realized quite quickly. She was feeling everything that she had the first time but doubled- tripled, maybe. She felt like her heart was being brutally ripped from her chest. FireFang felt like every organ she possessed was being displayed from the inside out for the world to see. And once the illusion had fully vanished, once Amy was really gone for the second time in FireFang's life and she knew that she'd never be able to see her again she felt alone.

 _Here we are, now you're in my arms.  
Here we are for a brand new start.  
Got to live with the choices I've made.  
And I can't live with myself today._

FireFang's fingers stretched across the faded grass as her feet pivoted meekly, crunching leaves behind her. The last few tears dropped to the ground and vanished.

 _Me and Lucy walking hand in hand.  
Me and Lucy never wanna end.  
Got to live with the choices I've made,  
And I can't live with myself today._

FireFang took in a couple of deep breaths to try and collect herself. She had to get back soon. As much as she wanted to stay by Amy's grave and miss her she couldn't. People were going to get worried about her and come and see where she was and she couldn't let them worry about her. She knew that she'd never wanted that. FireFang knew Amy wanted her to be happy.

FireFang pulled herself up to her feet. "Happy birthday, Amy." She mumbled out.

She yanked herself to her feet. Her legs felt heavy, like stones. She willed herself to walk away from Amy, and made her way back to the gate. It sneered as she opened it, nearly breaking off of it's hinges. Her next project would have to be to fix that.

FireFang took one last look at the burial site. A dozen roses sat by Amy's cleaned grave. To anyone passing by they'd be able to tell that who ever was buried there was deeply loved. A smile of some sort found it's way to her lips as she felt a familiar warmth enclose around her dangling hand. An unexplainable feeling enclosed around her fingers as she turned and lead the invisible heat away.

The ghost bobbled behind her, the familiar smile returned.

 _Hey Lucy, I remember your name..._


End file.
